You go to bed as early (or late) as you want, wake up at whatever time you feel like and have a delicious muffin with some fresh fruit for breakfast while sitting on your private patio on the banks of a beautiful lake that is currently pretty much deserted. You then have the whole day to do whatever your heart desires. Get in a workout? Go for it! Indulge in a facial at the spa across the street? Why the heck not! Wander the local shops, grab an ice cream cone, or just lounge in the sun by the lake. It may not be your own tropical island with a butler, but I can’t think of many people who wouldn’t think of this as an ideal day.
Well, that’s exactly what I did two days ago. Every single one of those things. And I enjoyed myself very much, but there was one thing missing: my two children. Yes, I’m aware that I wouldn’t have been able to do ANY of those things (except maybe the ice cream) if my boys were with me but I missed them like CRAZY! If they were there we would get up bright and early, whenever the kids felt like it, after staying up extra late until they were exhausted enough to go to “sleep” (which really means talking, flopping, and kicking all night long). Then the day would consist of literally running around after them, at least the youngest so he doesn’t trip down a hill, the stairs, or fall off of a dock into the lake. Once I was completely exhausted from that we would then be stuck in our hotel room with only a couple small toys that we brought with us. This would then cause me to cave and turn on kids cartoons (and probably listen to the oldest complain that he doesn’t want to watch this show, he only wants to watch Octonauts). Nap times would likely not happen because there would be nowhere secluded or remotely quiet to put them to sleep, which means they would be the crankiest kids in the world by the time daddy got out of his conference and we wanted to go somewhere for dinner.
Yet despite all of that and knowing that it is almost inevitable that this is the exact scenario that would ensue, I still missed them. Now, I know what some of you may be thinking. Why are you such a masochist? That is simple, because not every second of the day would be complete chaos. Sure, they would be running around like little terrors and I would be at their beck and call and ridiculously exhausted by the end of each day. But they would also be so sweet and would love to play in the sand and see the baby ducks. I can even picture them both squatted down watching the baby ducks and big brother looking over at little and saying “You see the ducks? Ducks say quack. Can you say quack?” Those are the moments I live for.
Since having my boys I have basically identified myself as their mom. “What do you do?” people would ask. And my reply is always “I’m a stay-at-home mom to my two boys.” I’m really struggling to identify myself as my own human being and figure out who I am as an individual outside of being a mom. This blog is an attempt at doing that but I’m afraid it will be such an array of topics that it will seem chaotic and unplanned and not be relevant to anyone. But I guess that’s how my life is, chaotic and mostly unplanned, and I want this blog to be a reflection of my life so I guess that’s what it should be.
So who am I? What do I like to do? For now I’m just going to be happy being a MOM who likes to read, sing too loud along with the radio, stay decently fit, and most of all, spend time with my boys while they still want me around all the time. Some day they will have their own lives, and maybe families, and they won’t need me to make their lunch, take them to the bathroom, read them a bedtime story, or give them kisses and ugga mugga’s. Until then, I’m going to smother them with love, probably be a helicopter mom, and be judged by everyone else who thinks they can or are doing it better. And I’m just fine with that. You want to know why? Because THIS is what I got the second we pulled into our drive way home from our trip yesterday.
So I guess I must be doing something right, at least by their standards. And those are the only standards I care about.